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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Students wth their heads down;
are their smiles too premature ?
One, two, three ... four ....er


Teacher smiles sadly
Master Po loves student but
Glasshoppah wanting
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Michael Shepherd



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 1395
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 10:09 am    Post subject: haiku Reply with quote

Oh the musical plash of creativity on the carefully placed mossy rocks of our tasteful japanese garden into the pool of profound stillness, stirred only by the gentle cavilling of carp...and watched, it seems, by a Japanese Zen master of haiku who strangely speaks pidgin mandarin...thanks, Pete..
All it needs now is a suitable 5-7-5 musical setting (I work out it makes 3 x 8-beat bars with rests...?) which we can all sing these haiku to...Tringles ?
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David Taylor



Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 254
Location: Sutton, Surrey, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 10:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Any comments most welcome on this short poem.

I Watched.

I watched, he spoke
he spoke by Me
he thought he was,
he thought he wasn't Me.
I watched, he laughed, he cried
he birthed, he died.
He thought he was I
he cried, he thought I died.
I watched, he thought
he cried, he laughed, he cried
he looked inside
he came to I.
I loved, I melted he,
he melted into I
now I is he,
he was always I,
I am, will always be.

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David
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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 11:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now I'm hooked on haiku
This, from an actual observation, two minutes ago. (I presume they should be done in a sweep, like a souffle)

My paper creases
would that it spring back again
vain hope - spring broken.
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Michael Shepherd



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 1395
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:27 pm    Post subject: haiku Reply with quote

Good for you, Pete.
Two technical points from the Madame Butterfly world of pseudo-japonaiserie that haiku 'authorities' inhabit : some Japanese like to write their 5-7-5 haiku out as ideograms in one line; yes, the thought should go right through; second, in writing out in English, a dash is a convenient way of marking the 'bridge of thought' from observation to reflection -- e.g. after 'creases' in your Power of Now haiku..
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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dearest Michael,
Can you now say all that again in English?
Pete
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Michael Shepherd



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 1395
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:51 pm    Post subject: haiku Reply with quote

Velly solly, Honourable Leader...

1) Japanese expect their haiku to read as one-liners but with

2) a 'bridge' to mark the move from observation to reflection, easily marked in English with a dash -- e.g. after 'creases' in your latest --or a semi-colon;

Here's another Just Now haiku :

Mature Whine

Wine-bottle's new screw top
taunts my aged arm muscles --
makes me thirstier !
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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get it.

My paper creases -
would that it spring back again
vain hope ... spring broken.


Now there's another rule that I'm missing, that allows you to use six syllables in your first line. Is it because the dash after 'wine' takes it out of the tally - or is it that Glasshoppah, in spite of intensive tuition from Master Po AND Master Kan, still can't count ...
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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David, your poem .. ah ...wait I feel another haiku coming!

man dances with self
ever decreasing circles -
who takes the lead?
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David Taylor



Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 254
Location: Sutton, Surrey, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Peter Blumsom wrote:
David, your poem .. ah ...wait I feel another haiku coming!

man dances with self
ever decreasing circles -
who takes the lead?



I say! Nice one Pete-
does he enjoy the dancing,
why wait, marriage now?

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Michael Shepherd



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 1395
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:43 pm    Post subject: haiku Reply with quote

... hoped you wouldn't spot that, Pete...I made 'bottle's' one syllable in the first line, and 'muscles' two in the second...

my excuse is that 'bo-ttle's' is hardly two syllables as hyphenated, while 'mu-scles' is more like two, sitting there at the end of the line...poetic licence ?

As you may have heard before, Pete : "Well observed, Mr Blumsom.. now, I'll just read that passage again..." Smile
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Michael Shepherd



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 1395
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:22 pm    Post subject: haiku Reply with quote

Grass-hopper -- do you
enjoy new sense-impressions
after each touch-down ?
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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Michael and David,
This is a formal announcement to say that I am giving up Haiku before it completely takes over my life. Even in conversation I keep thinking - where should hyphen go?
Pete
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Michael Shepherd



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 1395
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:10 am    Post subject: haiku Reply with quote

Ah but -- that slow dash, that exquisite pause Mad between observation and reflection... isn't that to be cultivated in our (well, OK, my) gunatic world ? Smile
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Peter Blumsom



Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1094
Location: Wembley, London, UK

PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, no, no!!!
I must resist
I hold thee not yet I see thee still,
art thou but a hyphen of the mind arghh!!!

ah... yes ...that's better ...I'm feeling more myself now ... such sweet pleasure but one must know when to stop ...

Lowly Glasshoppah
He walks away defeated -
Many are called ... few hear


Last edited by Peter Blumsom on Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:13 am; edited 1 time in total
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